Sad and Sick

I feel like throwing up. Either because of what I ate or because of anxiety. Don’t know. I just wanna lay down, sleep…

 

…and never wake up. Seriously. Have had a bad case of suicidal thoughts for a while now. Often wondering what I’m living for anymore. Wonder how so many people could walk through life…as boring as it is…and simply live it. I can’t… I can’t live alone. And the one person I want…causes me so much agony in my chest. I’d rather someone stab me in the heart; it’d be less painful than the heartache.

I’m so bottled up with emotions, I want to scream. Its there…waiting for me to let it out, but I can’t. I don’t feel anyone…deserves to see me weak. Why should they when they never noticed before how sad I was? And when I voiced my sorrows, they laughed or threw it back in my face. Where were they when I needed them? And now I feel so alone again… After 7 years… Nothing has changed.

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