Posts Tagged ‘love’

That Time Again…

Gawd, so freaking restless. I don’t want to do anything, but then I do. Don’t know what and what I can, I don’t want to. Don’t want to draw or write or read or play games. Don’t know what it is… Even listening to music is just not cutting it.

So, I passed both my classes. 99% on one and 100% on the other. Finals weren’t difficult either. It was harder just waiting, to be honest. These next set of classes… while I am looking forward to them, they’re making me anxious again. So easy to get that way for me.

As for my other half, well… I’m just lonely. You know, all my life, I’ve been looking for that person to share everything with… Its hard to know you found it…and yet be afraid. So many things to fear… To be so unsure. BUT right now I’m just having to deal with being alone with myself since his phone is messed up. On the computer, being more…social, I guess. Gets boring fast, though. Most people don’t hold much interest for me anymore.

For the past couple of weeks, my bestie has been at my house. Its cool to have her around that long and all. A slight load off me especially this past week, and maybe off her, since her home situation seems 100x’s worse than mine. I am not even kidding.

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One of Those Nights

So…last night…was…one of those nights, y’know? Where you feel like just…holding your love. Don’t need to say anything. Don’t need any words. Just there.

It surprised me he answered back. Really gave me an overload that I got really excited.

But then, you say the wrong thing and the spell breaks.

So you’re alone again. Sad. Hating yourself.

And your thoughts go: He was up…but didn’t answer your 2 texts before you sent a 3rd.

And that just upsets you more.

Accepting Good from the Bad

So, yesterday was our 4th Monthsary. I remember telling him it had been 3 months… and he said “Already?” How time flies. But this is what he said to me this time:

[Sep 24, 2010 12:26 AM] Zak: Love you too<3333

[Sep 24, 2010 12:27 AM] Zak: Happy Anniversary<333

[Sep 24, 2010 12:27 AM] Zak: Still gotta get you a gift

[Sep 24, 2010 12:28 AM] Zak: Ill try to get it sent by christmas

Made me like…… very smiley :) I didn't ask him for anything, but he feels guilt at having gotten a gift from me, so I don't mind then. I'm pretty sure I'd get very emotional though if I received it. Ha ha. I am not used to many gifts. Family…. Friends sometimes, but its not a lot and especially for no reason. And they mean A LOT to me from when its special people.

You know, I am glad things went the way they did. Some people might look at the bad all the time, but I like to look at the good that came from that bad. People don't realize how fortunate they are to be forgiven, to be able to learn from a mistake, to learn from life in general. My relationships are few, very view, and yes, I am no expert. But what I gained from past relationships, from fights, from tears and so on, has taught me to see things differently and change what I wanted to what we want. Its hard. Its very hard sometimes. So hard I would like to give up.

But don’t give up.

Life isn’t High School. High School relationships annoyed me. Most relationships were all drama. He said, she said. There was no sitting down. No being rational and talking it out. It was all anger and jealousy and calling each other names and never speaking to one another again and having friends go talking behind your ex’s back.

No. Don’t be like that. That’s pathetic. Talk things out if you really want to make it work. If he/she won’t be rational, just walk away until they are OR until you’re not as angry back.

There have been quite a few times I just had to walk away and cool down. I can be rational, but I also get angered a lot. Multiple things. Mostly stress. Talking while angry can have you say things you can never take back and the other person can never forget. Especially if it’s something very painful. I don’t get kicks out of hurting people, and although sometimes you have to, there are other times its best to not say anything.

♥♥♥

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